I'm sitting on an empty commuter train at a time that's far earlier than I'm accustomed to after being sent home from the office with tears in my eyes, champagne in my belly and a multitude of mixed emotions... relief....joy....optimism....determination...fear....
I got the news at around 3pm this afternoon, Nathan had phoned the hospital to chase them up and got the most torturing response possible "we have your wife's results but we're not allowed to discuss them, we'll send them to her surgeon". A couple of hours later, I left a message for his secretary to try and get hold of him, not long afterwards the dreaded "NO CALLER ID" showed up on my phone, we all looked at each other at the desk and I made my way into an empty office to be able to take the call.
Mr Rashed's secretary explained that he had left for the day and would not be back until tomorrow, she is such a wonderful lady and has helped me through so much of this wretched journey so knew that there was no way that I could wait that long... "Mr Rashed says that if the report makes it clear that nothing has been found then I am allowed to tell the patient, if there is anything untoward or unusual then I have to pass it onto him........ there is nothing untoward......"
There really is nothing that prepares you for whichever way that conversation was going to go. I knew that I would cry regardless and was glad to have the privacy to get it out of my system before returning to the expectant faces - who then promptly opened the champagne they'd stashed in the fridge! At the back of my mind I know that I still have 5 years of tests and worry ahead of me but this was the first hurdle to get over and the first time my surgeon has been able to give me some good news.
Our weekend away could not be better timed and I can't wait to get home to give Erica a massive kiss, Nothing ever prepares you for this type of experience, it's a cliche to say that the journey changes you but it really is true. When you look death in the face and blow it a great big raspberry you only do so with the confidence that you have a plethora of supportive family and friends backing you up.
This stage of my journey is over, now to put it to some good use, thank you for being there for me, you're awesome.
p.s. Rather randomly, as I was driving home from the station, this song came onto the radio.... someone has been looking out for us...