Friday 30 January 2015

In the immortal words of Winston Churchill...







The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.....Winston Churchill


For some reason unbeknownst to me this blog has now had 3,589 views from you lovely people  spread over 18 countries. I'm suspecting that some of the random countries that are featured are down to a very good friend of ours who is not allowed to access blogspot from China but I remain in awe that so many of you choose to read my ramblings of your own free will!

We visited Mr Sanker (my plastic surgeon) yesterday and he seemed pretty pleased with the way that the scar is healing and gallantly argued against my attempts to negotiate my way back onto the turbo, looks like sufferfest will have to wait for at least another week and the dog walks will have to suffice in the meantime (happy Brando photo below). I've been brave enough to have a good look at the scar without the tears this time and, even if I do say so myself, it looks pretty damn good! I'm determined to have it all finished ready for an epic summer holiday next year with our besties.

Pretty much everything is riding on our Monday appointment which is when we're expecting the pathology report and will agree the treatment plan. If radiotherapy or chemotherapy are required then the reconstruction will go on the back burner until it's all finished but I'm glad that I have an end-goal to aim for (he also hinted that he may be able to make a case for BUPA to fund a boob-job on the other one to make sure that they are well balanced - for my psychological well-being of course.....!)

Tomorrow is when I get to put the bra-fitters in my local M&S through their paces and see just how good our post-surgery range is, nothing like walking the process yourself!

The random acts of kindness continue to astound us, not least the very shiny kit that Dylan has procured in honour of the pink ribbon (LVIS boys don't need many excuses to wear pink), the encouragement from my fellow MBA cohorts and the amazing year of fundraising that my big sis is undertaking - shameless plug for sponsorship is here

I am thoroughly enjoying writing this, please keep reading and I'll let you all know how Monday goes - please keep everything crossed for us, we also accept prayers as they seem to be working too!

Fight like a girl xx



Tuesday 27 January 2015

Can we get to 3,000 views?


So I was always one of those people who considered blog writers to be narcissists or nobodys but I am now starting to understand how, when used for the best intentions, a blog can be a truly awesome thing; we're up to 2,750 views, I'm able to keep you lovely people updated on our progress and write about whatever the hell I like!

I'm still struggling to get used to sitting on the sofa on a Tuesday morning and I literally can't remember the last time I had a sick day as pretty much every day of my holiday is consumed by the MBA (miss you all by the way, kick strategy's butt this week!).

I recognise that recording Celebrity Big Brother is a recipe for disaster and that a trip to Waitrose is not the same as the 1,000 miles I covered on the bike in 2 weeks that crazy summer but it's all baby steps to recovery. I have no idea how Mum puts up with the constant demands to take me on excursions followed shortly by complaints of pain, dizziness and general disdain for this wretched situation but she absorbs and deflects it in equal measures and that is why she's awesome.

Here is a selfie

Erica has developed a bit of an obsession with the bandages and the concept as a whole, she demanded another Doctor's set yesterday and has been monitoring my blood pressure regularly, I have been trying to convince her to sterilise her equipment after using on the dog but I should be grateful that he is also receiving an expert level of care and that she may one day remember this so that she can contribute to the race towards a cure.


The gifts, calls and cards continue to flood-in and seeing friendly faces again has helped to put everything back into perspective, I am in no doubt that this is just the start of our journey but knowing that we are not in it alone makes it all the more achievable.

Thank you and love you all xxx





Saturday 24 January 2015

Dry shampoo should be on prescription...

Dry shampoo should be on prescription...

It's so good to be home..! The team at Woodland Hospital have been amazing but nothing beats your own sofa and control of Apple TV! 

I'm not expecting the three course extravagances that I've become accustomed to as a very grateful "Premium Care" patient but I think they have simply added hours to my recovery bike rides and sticky toffee pudding is not really a viable cancer cure.

I don't think I was prepared for the first changes of dressings and had a few tears as the nurse so gracefully carried on with the process and allowed me to cry it out while I refused to look at the empty space that I've been left with, Mum tells me that Mr Sanker has done an incredible job and that the scar is minimal but I'm still not ready to see for myself. It all seems ironic considering the number of times I've crashed my bike and removed bits of road and tree from my own skin with nothing but a glass of Rioja for anaesthetic! 

I know it's the oldest cliche but the medical teams do such an incredible job and it really does put into perspective the idiotic things that wind me up day to day. I've been surprised at the whole concept of "being brave" to me it's not being brave, it's a very simple choice, in the words of Armstrong - we have two options both medically and emotionally; give up or fight like hell.


As you can see, Erica has dug-out her Doctor's bag and has been taking very good care of me - she's not been phased by the bandages or the situation in the slightest - I think a lot of that is down to the book that breastcancercare.org.uk sent to me called "Mummy's Lump" it's a story that explains to her what's happening and what to expect in a way that isn't clinical or scary, if you ever meet anyone with breast cancer who has young children I would highly recommend it - she now understands anaesthetic, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, why Mummy had to have surgery and and why she needs to be gentle.

So it's now a case of allowing Mum to take over which hasn't been too difficult as I think Erica is proving to be a far more demanding patient! The Consultant has signed me off for a month - news that I wasn't really prepared for as I was convinced I'd be back in London after 2 weeks but we'll see how it goes - I'm sure I can stoke a few fires via email to get me back into the swing of things!

We're seeing the plastic surgeon on Thursday to talk about reconstruction but that all depends on the treatment plan, the offending article along with some lymph nodes have been sent for analysis and we're meeting Mr Rashed on 2nd Feb to agree what the treatment plan will look like. If the lymphs are clear and the tumour isn't an angry type then we're hoping it will just be hormone therapy.... here's keeping everything crossed.

Thank you for all the messages, cards and flowers - we love you all xx

Thursday 22 January 2015

I'll keep it brief....

The wonders of science have defeated the evil Zurg and provided some pretty sweet drugs along the way! Am a bit sore and sickly but have been given a proper scrub-down and far too many cups of tea (haven't yet found the mini-bar!)

As always, Nathan has been the most incredible human being I have ever met and has spent most of his time consoling, entertaining and cleaning up my bodily fluids. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an awesome support network in all of you. I have attached the requisite post-op photo and couldn't resist doing rock-paws in honour of Amelia Green..

I'm hoping that discharge day will be tomorrow as I am concerned that daytime tv is gradually sucking the intelligence out of me (and it won't take very long!)

Fight like a girl xxxx

Tuesday 20 January 2015

The morning of the op...

As much as we were looking forward to a lie-in, my darling husband forgot to turn off the alarm on his phone and rather unsurprisingly I couldn't get back to sleep.... however.... the hospital had told me that I can have a light meal at 7am and that's it, so I thought - "they're just over-cautious, why do they make people fast before operations anyway?" and then I googled pulmonary aspiration.. just as well the alarm went off when it did as I'd otherwise be starving or dead!

I'm now busy packing my "short-stay" suitcase full of anything that has the possibility of providing any member of the household other than me some entertainment, I already know that I won't be able to read Kahneman's and Armstrong's books again in 4 days but I'm going to give them a damn good go (if you're reading this Mr Hauff - I am determined to finish that damn book so that I can quote it as eloquently as you do and catch you out when you use the text as your own!)

Thank you all so much for your amazing messages of support and for lying so beautifully about how good you think my blog is, writing this makes it so much easier than continuing to re-live events in every conversation, it helps me to move on and think about my recovery rather than my cancer.

I'll update you all later, you're all awesome xx





First ever blog....

Hello all! I've never written a blog before so forgive me if it's a random collection of statements but I'm going to try my best to keep it updated. Quite a few of you have suggested keeping a blog so that friends and family can keep up to date with our progress as it's becoming difficult to make sure we're responding to all of the kind text messages, messages on Facebook, phone calls and emails!

I'm scheduled to have a mastectomy at 3pm tomorrow at Woodlands Hospital in Kettering, we're expecting the stay to be around 3 nights and then I'll be at home with Mum looking after all of us until she's unable to make me stay in the house!

What we know about the cancer so far is that it is an invasive DCIS tumour which is around 5cm, initially my lymphs appeared to be swollen but we're taking a lot of encouragement from a clear lymph biopsy and CT scan, Mr Rashed will perform a sentinel node biopsy at the same time as the mastectomy and once the tumour has been analysed we're hoping to know what the treatment plan will be within about 2 weeks... I'm having an initial reconstruction at the same time but the valve will be replaced by fat and muscle from my stomach once the treatment is finished (tummy-tuck and boob job at the same time - awesome!)

It's been a very random journey to say the least, there is no history of breast cancer in my family and every doctor I saw was convinced that it was just swelling, I think we'd been reassured so much along the way that we didn't really expect the news that we had on 30th December and I really would encourage all of you to persevere when your body is telling you that things aren't right.

Anyway, I don't really know how to write these and I'm sure I will get better at it but I wanted to at least get it started so that I can keep adding to it as our journey progresses...... I'm feeling a bit emotional about the impending operation but am looking forward to seeing my lovely new reconstruction once the treatment has finished!

Your support and generosity have kept us going through the ups and downs and we really are so lucky to have such amazing family and friends, thank you and see you on the other side!

Helen xx