Saturday, 6 June 2015

If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you....

As I contemplate the 6th and final round of chemo I find myself reflecting on the many guises that the journey has taken. It’s annoying as hell to describe it as a journey but there really is no other metaphor that fits; you need to get from one point to another, you don’t really know what’s going to happen along the way and you sure as hell don’t make it alone. I’ve been to some pretty dark places and have learned to appreciate what's really important. Cancer is one of the most unforgiving levellers you can ever have in your life, you can either mope about the fact that the disease has chosen you or you can choose to turn the experience into a positive.

It still continues to amaze me just how popular my warbling blog has become, we now measure views in the tens of thousands but I still remember doing a mini fist-pump when it first reached five hundred! I had no idea what I wanted it to be when I first started writing it back in January but I really have found it to be an essential part of my healing process. The stories I’ve heard about women who had been sent away by their GP’s read the blog and were then diagnosed after going back and insisting on a referral are what keep me going, some of those women didn't require treatment after surgery because it was caught early - that is an indescribable feeling. 

I found the 2nd round of docetaxel to be more than a little unpleasant but am happy to report that, as a result, KFC is firmly off the menu. I’ve gone from craving fatty food to loathing it and although I have allowed myself to eat whatever I damn well please as I go through chemotherapy, I have committed to introducing healthier food back into my life once round 6 is over. 

On a spur of the moment act of impulsiveness we've booked ourselves a holiday to mark the end of radiotherapy, an all inclusive family package holiday is probably Nathan's idea of hell but is exactly what we need. This experience has been tough on all of us and we don't know whether or not it's over, it's a good chance for us to regroup as a family and take stock of just how lucky we are.

So please spare me a thought on Tuesday as I take on the final dose of Docetxel and play a loop of Ed Sheeran's Bloodstream, that song has got me through what felt like endless hours of chemo fog. I'm the luckiest girl to have such amazing friends and family, I feel like you've lived this with us and I can't even begin to thank you for the support that you've given us, we've all been on this journey together, it's not over yet but the fog is starting to clear!